Make Hiking Rugged Again

Leave your hydration monitor, bluetooth speaker, and autonomous drone at home. On the trail, you’ll only need your brawn, smarts, and a smattering of old-school gear for this sort of hiking trip.

Hiking trails these days are overcrowded, sissified dirt highways of giant-backpack-wearing, ill-prepared softies. Did the great explorers of pioneer days need zinc on their nose, gobs of pesticides on their bodies, and hand sanitizer for their soft, unworked palms? No, they surely did not. It’s time to get back to the basics of the outdoors experience of yesteryear.

Bug spray with tons of DEET? Why in the heck would you need that? Ya know what scares skeeters away? Flexing your muscles, that’s what.

Also: basil, lavender, lemongrass, and mint can be used as a natural repellent. Hang them from your pack. Or boil leaves, let them steep for a few hours, remove the leaves, mix the liquid with a few ounces of cheap vodka, and slather up.

No need for sunscreen either. That dust on the bark of aspen trees is a natural sun block.

Afraid of bears? Don’t be. Just sing and announce yourself. Hiking trails need more people belting out Whitney Houston classics anyways. “IIIIII wanna dance with somebody…” Of course, in high-risk places, a can of bear spray is cheap insurance.

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